what am i looking for

feel so empty, and missing you so badly. dont have any destination but you. even working like workaholic doesn't help. that's a relief that i decide to working over hours today. stay at home will make me remembering of you all the day. i really dont know where i must go. please give a clue. give me an objective. i want to stop my step, but it will not makes us to meet. i want to walk straight but i dont know what is waiting for me there. like seeing an unseen road. walk on road full of bend. we never know what will we meet in the next bend. will we meet on the next bend, or if i through that road we will not ever meet.

9 weeks 3 days

and we still can't meet. i thought that we dont meet for veryyy longg time. dont know why the times walks slowly, recently. and just realize that you ignored me. hahhhaa just like usual. what things on earth will makes you turn your head to see me when you are there? the answer is n.o.t.h.i.n.g.... hahhaa... what makes me think that you will at least see me? i must be crazy to think like that. that is really impossible. i know you too fry beeiibbhh. so, stop complaining with all of these. and try to accept the condition. just like usual. i must be aware where is my position exactly.

having a deep thought on my way home on the bus this day.

huh

this time i really learn that we're not always get everything we want. even my heartedfully will, doesn't change anything. this time i learn to have a responsibility beyond the private things. although that private things is the most important thing in my life. the thing to whom i will give every breath, every heart. but, it doesn't change anything after all. my mood going bad. try to cheering up myself. i supposed to be happy that finally you're come here. although we can't meet. huhuhuhuhuhuuu. at least we will see the same sky, and breath the same air. huh. i really want to go tomorrow, to leave everything because of you. but i can't. i've think many way to run off. but there's no way. i supposed to arrange the way to run off perfectly if i know that tomorrow will be the only chance to meet you. this is really irritate me. aarrggghhhh. and i begin hate you for everything you do without noticing me. can you at least giving me a notification first? you always do this to me. a l w a y s. you always say that you are in uncertainty condition. and you dont want to give a hope that we can meet up. so you didn't say anything, didn't notice anything. affraid that we can't meet up. okaayyy... even that will be better than this condition. like i've seen you but i can't go to you because my foot can't move. hate this the most. i prefer to disappointed that we can't meet because of external things, a sudden thing, not like this. hate this the most. i was really used to delayed by you. to follow the rythm of your life. with all that uncertainty things include in. and just tell me, when i can't follow you? this time!. you know that i will sacrifice everything for you. to always follow your rythm, but this time i really can't. i used to arranged that the other things will not interfere us long day before. i think the way,that every step i take will not interfering us, that there will be no people affect me to take my decision about you. but i lose this time. there will be many people involve. and i just can see you without doing anything. i hate this the most.

anywayy...love this blog. i think i will be crazy if i dont have this blog. at least writing here makes my mood better.

u're here!

just know that u're here!uhhh, knp g bilang dari kmrn2 sihh, tau gitu ak besok cuti, g peduli deh mau training atau apaaa, peduli amatt, yg penting ktm km. gini inii terlanjur bw banyakk kerjaan pulang, dan otomatis bsk hrs masuk.uh bete.anak2 bisa ktm km bsk, trus akuuu gimanaaa arrrgghhhhhhhhhhh.seballl.

you just dont know

you just dont know that you are so loved. many people loves you. just the way you are. somehow i want to replace you to beingt hurt. that's why i really need to go there sooner. i will not bring you more happiness. but at least i will ensure that you are not alone when you're hurt. God, just send me a way to be closer with her.

pms

you or me or both of us???
what day is it? it is hellday
but still say thanks to God for all gift this day...
honestly, i really tired saying yes and doing exactly every people say
i must do it there, and now i must do it here
damn, feel so depressed.
i realize that now you're not in good mood, of course. everything still uncertain. and maybe you just feel left behind (i will exactly feel it if i were you).
and now, my task is to get along well with you. whatever you do. i must stay beside you and trying to be a shade when sunny day, an umbrella when it's rain, and a handkerchief when you cry. i know i talk too much, and maybe i can't be like that. but i've been trying up til now. you'll never understand my thought. actually, you dont understand a thing. you never see me. exactly 7 weeks since you've gone. and exactly 7 weeks 4 days since our last meeting. i thought it's longer than that. somehow i feel that time begin walks slowly.