opium

small doses of opium really makes my night, even will makes tomorrow brighter....komawo nae chingu, you really are some opium, hohhoo

that's a relief

that's really a relief if she found her happiness through twitter. that's really a relief. thanks God.

she is sad

always having bad feeling when she is sad. i have choose my way of life.but this kind of matter always makes me weak.but it really doesn't matter. i prefer seeing her happy than anything else in this world. please be happy,be strong.hemboghaseyo.God please always bless her and don't let her sad.give her a job.give her a happiness.

feel much better

that i realize the condition now, i dont want to keep my heavy thought, it makes my heart sick, but...


Lyla – Bernafas Tanpamu

Mungkin kau bertanya-tanya
Arti perhatianku terhadapmu
Pasti kau menerka-nerka
Apa yang tersirat dalam gerakku
Akulah serpihan kisah masa lalumu
Yang sekedar ingin tahu keadaanmu

Tak pernah aku bermaksud mengusikmu
Mengganggu setiap ketentraman hidupmu
Hanya tak mudah bagiku lupakanmu
Dan pergi menjauh

Beri sedikit waktu
Agar ku terbiasa
Bernafas tanpamu

*yeahhh gimme a little more time, to breathing and walking on without you...
someday maybe i can stand by myself, but not now..
gimme a little more time again...

hi againn

long time not write here, having commit that i will not make myself more sad if i write here again.
okay, firstly i want to confess a sin, i just found out my bestiee blog, miyanne. having no idea what to do and dont know where it came from, i find the blog. and of course i found it, mr google always know the answer,hahha. If she know that i found out her blog, i'm sure that she will be mad. aaagghhhhh. and this is not time to make her angry. our relationship just going bad recently. i dont know why. maybe it just my thought coz i have pms syndrom. or maybe it is true. but really feel that i'm not knowing her anymore slightly but sure. i want to be an ears for her. but she never talked to me. having thought that maybe she just found a new community that makes her enjoy and comfort. and here i am. forgotten. aaahhh why i write sad thing again here, but it really can't helped. really need some people around. a friends that makes me happy.
back to her, maybe this is all my false to having thought like that. she is isolated there. without any friends, without no one, and of course she feel alone, that she dont have anything to do since she is not going to work yet. all she can do is surfing on the cyber world. and she found some people that having the same interest as she does. and she feel enjoy and comfort. so, actually what's wrong with all of that?the fact, maybe the one that feels left behind is her. and always raise 4 thumbs up for her having a brave and consistent way of life. exactly 1 month since she is been there. 1 month 1 week since our last meeting. feel that it's been long althought it's not that long. time really walks slowly recently. when we will meet again?having thought that as the time goes by, it will be harder for us to meet again. really makes me depress. think that i'm egoist. i always see everything from my side. always feel left behind, always feel ignored, always feel that she is not loves me (this point is true). but i never see from her point of view. how she's doing there, is she lonely, is she depress, is everything okay with her. i just trying to understand it all. miyan that i can't be a good friend to you. i'll try to be a good one this time. try to remove all my egoistic. not force her with all my heavy thought again. i just hoping that she still regards me as her friend, her ears always. i dont know, why i always having a thought that i always want to know everything about her, okaaayy i call it obsession. sorry that i makes you my obsession object. but absolutely it really can't be help. i became a stalker, find out her activities, find her blog, always open her timeline. maybe i also need to go to psychiatrist as her. that's why i really irritating when i know she has ignore me because her cyber activities. hhhh...really sorry. but i have this disease even since our first year meeting. aarrrgggghhhh. always want to heal this disease. but as the time goes by, i even can't control it again. maybe the only way to heal this is trying to not thinking of you all the time. take my own step and choose the one that makes us impossible to meet up in the path of destiny .maybe i need to always think of my way of life only. what is my real dream. what is actually all i want. how is actually the real me. and trying to make my own decision without any intervention of having thought of her. can i?

unwell

hhhhh.....dunno,really feel unwell,and muchh worrying you.uuhhhhh

feel no good

feel no good for unknown reason.did something happened to you?